Yesterday I was no longer pregnant, and my heart tore into little pieces. I had to make a decision about how I would work through my pain. Would I stay angry and blame God for something He could have easily prevented, or would I accept the reality, remind myself that Jesus is indeed with me through this horrible pain, and allow Him to help me heal.

I chose the latter.

Last night I was reminded that when I walk through miscarriage, it helps me to pour my sorrow into a project. Something I can process my heartache through. Something I can later look back on.

After my miscarriage in 2021 that landed me in the hospital, I created a beautiful embroidery that now hangs on my wall. It helped me heal in that difficult season, and it reminds me that my pain was real and that I gave it to Jesus.

With this in mind, I started a new crochet project last night. It is a mosaic blanket by Beba Blanket. The pattern is called Sparkling You. I felt a strong urge to go to the yarn shop and buy new yarn, as shopping therapy felt like a quick fix for my pain. But I did not want to leave the house during such a sensitive time.

Instead, I went shopping in my own yarn stash.

I found a gorgeous silk yarn that I bought on a trip with my husband years ago. I cannot even remember where we went, but the yarn has sat untouched all this time. A silk blanket feels like the perfect place to pour my broken heart. I will also be using a second color that was a gift from my son.

This blanket will hold meaning and beauty.

Do I have piles of unfinished projects? Absolutely. But this one is for my heart.

If you need me, I will be curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee, yarn, crochet, and a side of miscarriage cramps.